6 years and 3 months
the 12th has always been significant to me
6 years ago today my papa passed away and god knows ive yet to find someone who can restore my faith in humanity, as no one comes remotely close to how amazing of a person he was
3 months ago on this day, the 12th, I cried in my room while realizing that after that night I would probably not hear from you for a very long time
in the 5 months I had known you, you were the closest anyone’s ever come to reminding me of him
dead to me
all these people are dead to me
some literally, some in a matter-of-fact way
the difference lies in who can we keep alive in our hearts
if i get my period between now and 4:00 AM tomorrow morning i am taking that as God personally cockblocking and i’ll take His intervening as the ultimate sign that WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE (or meant to have sex, either/or)
you know when you don’t actively like someone but you know that you could..
i mean that you know you don’t have feelings for the person right now but with time spent together you’d definitely fall for them?
and then they give you 0.2% of attention and you’re like UGH you’re so sweet but you don’t want to make it weird by making a move or doing something that’ll ruin your friendship or make it awkward
but but but gamechanger then they make a move on you in the form of a kiss and that’s great and all
but i sort of wish it didn’t end up happening because now I’m stuck wondering if it was just a cute little ‘hey we’re drunk why not’ kiss or a ‘hey i like you’ kiss
but we both weren’t that drunk, i’d even say we were closer to sober than we were to drunk
and i don’t wanna bring it up because defining it is what causes all the awkwardness, if there was to be any
so i should definitely let it go because it probably doesn’t mean anything, and he didn’t ask for my number, and he went home instead of coming to the next party (although, given, he had an early lecture the next morning and was saying well before that that he was heading home soon)
but still he’s such a sweet person
DO YOU SEE MY DILEMA
checked my banking online today just to realize my job payed me (again for some reason) and i made my first 10k! not a huge amount but seeing as i’ve only worked 1 summer job in my life im pretty happy about it!
im nervous that it’s going to happen and the entire time my mind will be wandering back to the last time
it’s always the last time
i just want to have new experiences without being reminded of past ones
i guess what im feeling is that im scared i wont ever forget it
or i wont ever feel enough again to not have to compare it
does that make sense?
i have no idea what im trying to explain.. god i cant even follow my own train of thought
cant you get along for ONE weekend
cant you stop being a selfish prick for 5 fucking minutes
can you realize the world doesnt revolve around you
this was a horrible weekend
while everyone else goes to happy homes welcoming them back after being away for a month, i go back to an empty house, parents that are too busy for me, an empty room that they threw all my shit in, no bedsheets/ linen/ pillows, people that do nothing but torment me with questions about the boy and my weight, yelling, angry people, and so much more
im in bed and it isnt even 11 yet
no one in this house can stand each other
im never coming home again
What Iâve come to realize about love, is that itâs based off of need. Itâs incredibly hard to let someone into your life, and to want to be in someone elseâs life, when you donât feel you need them…
This is me/ my viewpoint up until recently
maybe it’s just me but i would rather do my own thing than run back to the things that didnt work. be it a job, a friendship, a relationship, anything really. it’s a constant battle between “if at first you dont succeed, try and try again” and “leave the past in the past”. the way i see it, if it was meant to be it wouldn’t have fallen apart. im no expert on life but i do believe that if you want something enough you’ll work at it- you dont let it go and pick it up at an easier time. if your passion doesnt endure your changing situation, it isnt really your passion. looking back, there were so many things that i was annoyed for not working out in my favour. in hindsight those things were meaningless and if they had continued on the way they were, i would have missed out on so many cool adventures and experiences and fun people. don’t settle for second best. just wait it out because the things that are lying ahead for you are beyond anything you leave in the past.
im not going to say anything
- mostly because I don’t know how to properly convey what I’m thinking-
but just know that i know,
and that people like you are the reason i was the way i was when you first met me
10. It’s so hard to say goodbye because I really cared about you. Not a day went by where you wouldn’t be on my mind. I thought you were different and you seemed to bring out the absolute best in me. I’m sorry that I’m not the girl you want. I’m sorry you don’t want to stand on top of a mountain and shout it out to the world. And I’m sorry that my breasts aren’t the size of mountains like hers. Enjoy that.
great night! went out to trivia night at the bar on campus, brass taps. all except 1 roommate came, and kate and kelly joined us. after on our way home we found the cutest ginger kitten outside our house and it came in to play for a bit. we named it Rolex and kept it for about 20 minutes before letting him/ her out. a pretty random night but really fun. i love my roommates.
So since I decided not to drink tonight, I thought I would put my sober self to some good use as a DD so my friends wouldn’t have to cab home at the end of the night. This included going back to the party after I left it to give the guys a drive home. I ended up agreeing to come inside and hang out with them in their apartment which was the creepiest thing ever. I mean, I’ve been there quite a few times before and the place itself was the issue, it was the sketchy people one roommate had over. All in all, we hit a bowl and then witnessed a drug deal in which some random guy snorted M off their living room table and talked about his time in rehab.
So from now on I’ll probably throw caution to the wind and drink anyways even when I dont feel like it.